I digress!

I have just spent the day and much of the weekend cleaning!. I started in the kitchen and moved things to the cupboards from the worktops and shifted the things around that i use all the time and put my present to myself a new food processor out ready to use.
The trouble with the kitchen is that when you move off to tackle another room in this case the lounge, some how it becomes ready to clean again after you have finished in there. The lounge as been done top to toe, sofa's out the back of the tv wires tidied and dust cleaned off...that will last about an hour i am guessing why is it that there is always a mountain of dust!? I ordered a new tv unit in the next sale, that came last week and i had an enjoyable afternoon putting it together, when instruction are clear it's quite a therapeutic exercise. It had magnetic catches and drawers on rollers and it all fitted!! and i didn't have to take it apart and do it again because i had put something in the wrong way round. It looks much better and less dusty than the perfectly serviceable glass table that they sell with each unit, i had just had enough of seeing the wires and the dust. It is now sitting in the hall waiting to be dealt with.
There is also a huge silver tv sitting in the hall upstairs, the old kind pre flat screen. Joe had it in his room and with his first paycheck and a loan from his friend he is now the proud owner of a 40 inch sony flat screen to watch and game on. He tried to do a deal with his younger brother to swap it for his 19 inch tv so he could watch tv and game at the same time!!?? when i got quite annoyed about this idea and suggested that it might have been nice if Zak didn't want it to put it in the kitchen to replace the one that was nicked last year co incidentally whilst i was having my last session of chemo. ...They came through the garage and shut the kitchen door so that the dogs couldn't get to them, so much for having what i thought were good security they bark at everything and loudly!!
Joe argued as is his wont till the cows came home and me being such a mature and sensible mother argued against him even though in my head i knew that what i was saying wasn't getting me anywhere and was contradictory to what i felt. We have since sorted this out, Zak decided he didn't want a huge tv in his small room hence it's place on the hall landing, where we risk life and limb clambering over it to get the the bedrooms or bathroom. I need to look and advertise it locally for free if collected.
I did Zaki's room last night whilst he was asleep he keeps crashing at all hours as his body clock keeps getting pushed out of sync when he is on school hols. He woke up and came in to completely lose it becuasei  had touched this or that and put things in the wrong place, i in turn lost my temper and we ended up rowing too! He apologised later and so did i, i need an internal switch one to flick and remind me that with the potential lack of time left with the boys the last thing i want to do it argue, but when the red mist descends it is hard to find it.
So today glutton for punishment after having done my room, de cluttered and tidied ready for if or when i end up in there convalescing and receiving visitors, also pre empting a time in the future when things may have to be sorted through when i am not around. I look at all the stuff i have amassed and really do think now well things are really not that important. I point out on occasion as i did the other day when Joe came in to chat with me what things are. The wardrobe and tallboy were my mum's circa 1920's and the story behind it...it's a good one i think i have said before that i should get my mothers story into print.
This story was about the day the bailiffs came, the family had gone from being quite well off to having nothing because of my grandad's business endeavours, my mother felt that he was naive my aunt her sister in law felt that he was a bit of a shyster, i never knew him so have no idea which is true. He was a farm manager and made a good living out of it but worked away from home a lot. My Grandmother was a teacher and died from Breast cancer in her late fifties, she died without making a will so all her money went to paying off her husbands debts, if a will had been made then my mum and her brother Joe would not have had to go through what they did, i made my will 20 years ago ....reminds me i need to update it!
My mother knowing that the bailiffs were on their way had the foresight to get the car and drive it away to the butchers, she always used to tell me she knew how to drive but i never ever saw her behind the wheel. The car ended up being their only source of revenue after everything was taken of value and with the money they got from its sale my uncle went to the auction to buy back some  of their belongings, i cannot imagine how hard that must be, we are lucky these days that there are more chances in place with financial problems. I don't know exactly what he bought but i did know from my aunts perspective that they bought mum's wardrobe, dressing table and tall boy for her as she had been the one to manage to enable them to have some money to do it. My mothers story was always that Joe and Joan had bought her furniture for themselves, they said that when they offered it to her she said that she didn't want it, so they kept it until they died, i ended up taking the wardrobe and tallboy as my cousins didn't want them, so mum's furniture is back with me in my room. My mother and aunt Joan didn't get on from day one, she married uncle Joe soon after my grandmother died and my mother always felt that this wasn't right and determined to cause trouble for them which she did try hard at! An interesting and complicated woman my mother.
My uncle Joe died 6 months before my mum, and i was there with the family on the day. There in lies another tale, i would save it but i shall likely forget. I had a call from Aunt Joan on the Wednesday to say that Joe was very ill and not likely to live much longer, my cousin John was going to travel down from Scotland and Val was getting a flight from South Africa bother arriving Friday, she lived in Maidstone so i was the nearest in London, some family on my aunts side though were visiting and were with her for support until they came.
My Aunt and Uncle were more like grandparents to my boys, with their only grandchildren living in South Africa they had not had the opportunity to see them much. Melinda their grand daughter was in the uk for a year when Joe took ill but most of the time it was me and the boys on Joe's side who would go and visit. Auntie was quite fierce and it was important that we turned up on time otherwise i would get a little bit of a tongue lashing,She was a great cook and would do things that she knew the boys liked and would have arranged something for them to do, go swimming at the local leisure centre, a visit to the wildlife trust, Moat Park to feed the ducks and play on the swings etc. Then she and Joe would go about half an hour before us where ever we were and then i would bring them back to have tea.
Anyway when i heard that Val was coming i said that i would meet her at Heathrow and drive her to Maidstone, on the the Thursday Auntie phoned to say uncle Joe was so much better and not so ill now, but arrangements were made and John and Val would be coming.
When i arrived at Heathrow John was there too and Melinda he decided to detour without telling anyone knowing what flight Val was coming in on. We didn't rush as we knew uncle Joe was better and sat with a tea just catching up i hadn't seen John since i was 11 though i had seen Val every year for the last three or so when she came over to work as a full time live in carer for someone which also gave her the opportunity to see her parents. Both John and Val i knew had issues at times with their parents once i was in the middle of it with her and Aunt Joan, Val is the nicest person i know so it was disconcerting to see how difficult her relationship was with her mum.
Suddenly whilst having the tea and taking some pics the phone rang and it was Auntie Joan demanding to know where we all were as Joe had taken another turn and she needed to get to the hospital. We all hastily left to get into the cars, Melinda came with me and Val with John. We got out of the park first and just hared down the motorway to Maidstone, not sure the name of the hospital. Anyway we parked and went to the ward just in time to see Uncle Joe being wheeled out to the heart ward. Aunt Joan was very annoyed that we were late and said 'where are Val and John' i explained that they were just behind us but she was obviously agitated that they weren't there.
After a few minutes we saw them coming towards us Val opened her arms and said Hi mum with a smile, obviously the wrong thing to do, Aunt Joan said 'how can you smile at a time like this!' and turned her back on them both, Melinda went to see her mum and suddenly i was left standing with my Aunt waiting whilst they settled Joe into the ward, with her immediate family son daughter and grand daughter standing a distance away from us. She kept saying why is she happy this isn't the time to be happy and i tried to pacify the situation i felt and told Auntie that Val was just pleased to see her after so long.... and 'why hadn't john come straight here?' again i suggested that he had been driving all night from Scotland and would need a break and had decided to collect his sister not knowing that i would be doing it. She was still annoyed as we went in to see the doctors, walking with me and her arm in mine with her family bringing up the rear! I would phone Mum later that day and tell her about this, 'that's how Joan is' i suddenly after all these years saw what mum had to deal with as well as what Joan did, as much as they argued they relied on each other they loved each other and 6 months later when Mum died Aunty Joan would be the first person i would phone.
They sat us in the family room and the doctor and a nurse came in, you could see that it was grave news but his mistake was to ask what do you know till now? My aunt launched in and gave him chapter and verse about Uncle Joe's illness for the last week or so, i could feel the rest of us thinking he has something to tell us come on, but that was what she needed.. to take time, she had been married to Uncle Joe for 60 years they had only received their telegram from the Queen 5 months earlier.
When Auntie Joan finished with 'and that's where we are now' the doctor very kindly explained that uncle was very ill and that he wanted to know if Auntie wanted them to intubate him should he become worse, Auntie Joan didn't know what to say, i asked if this was with a view of curing him or prolonging and they said the latter. My cousins and Aunt discussed it and agreed it would be better not to intervene should he become worse. My aunt then went in to see him, we gradually visited one by one.
He was alert when i saw him and i chatted a little, i was hesitant to say it but i thought it's now or never. Earlier when talking to mum she said that she didn't get a chance to say sorry, i wasn't sure what for but i told him this, my Aunt Joan was so pleased with it and a year or so later would ask if my mum really asked me to say it, well she didn't, but i just said she did say that she wanted to, which seemed to appease her. I said goodbye knowing that it would be a final one, my uncle Joe was a very quiet man Joan always did the talking, my mum too, he really didn't  have a choice. But he had a very dry sense of humour Auntie Joan would rattle on and then Uncle would just say one thing in response and we would all crease up, he would just sit with a cheeky smile on his face.
He died later that evening, my cousin Val was trained as an Opera singer and she apparently sang as he slipped away. She sang at his funeral too, i took little Joe along with me for that, as she sang i started to well up, she said later that she was holding it together fine until she looked at me, i had realised at that point and quickly looked away.
Auntie Joan continued for a couple more years, she found it really difficult on her own and i would go and visit when i could without the boys though. She would always book at a pub in the country for a meal and take me there. We would chat and sometimes cry a bit remembering mum and Joe. She would often ask if she had made the best decision to let him go, i never doubted that she had and told her that.
The last time i saw her Val was over, she told me that she had cancer which wasn't such a surprise as i was aware that she hadn't been well. It was in her lungs, 50 odd years of smoking had paid it's price even though she had given up a few years before.
She had decided that day that Val and i would go through 'the box' i had heard about this box but never seen it, it held information about the family collected over the years. John had already gone through it and taken some letters to give to a museum or something i believe which may have been of local interest. Val said that she didn't want any of it so it was down to me to take it. I am so pleased to have it, looking through there are loads of old pictures many in portrait studios, the problem is a lot of them are of people i don't know. I imagine i can track some down and some faces are named on one pic so i can track them down in another. There are letters written by my grandfather, old recipes that if they didn't cure you sound like they would certainly kill you! Ledgers from the farms that my grandad managed including Lord Vesty's in Gloucestershire including a notice and fine for moving cattle when it was prohibited. Some poignant letters, one to my grandad from my grandmother saying how they will always be sweethearts, one from my mum to her dad as an 11 year old, my mum and uncles school reports etc. I was curious to keep finding someone called Bunty mentioned in the writing, gradually i realised it was in reference to Uncle Joe! John and Val don't know why he was called this and it was something i couldn't ask mum or Aunt Joan about as i didn't know whilst they were alive. When you lose that generation you wish that you had found out more when they were around to answer the questions.
Anyway the box which in itself must be well over 100 years old is in my bedroom, and now and again i open it up and look through it. It prompted me to start another box using a big chest with Chinese carvings on it that mum and dad got from Singapore, in it i am popping anything to do with the boys and me and mum and dad.
So that is my room sorted near enough, then onto Adams which was an absolute bombsite!! He is 15 and just drops everything where he stands. It took me ages to do but when something is that bad to begin with there is an enormous sense of satisfaction when it is finished, i will just need to keep on top of him to keep it tidy. It has spurred Joe into doing his room, i did a little in there but was quickly losing the will to live!
Just the garden to sort now!