Beginnings and endings

The card i got Joe, makes me laugh whenever i look at it!

It was Joes' birthday on Wednesday, the night before his friends and girlfriend were round, Mark from next door who is the same age and Ollie a couple of roads away who he met when they started reception class together. I like the fact that Joe has friends that he doesn't really remember not having, i moved around a lot as a child and have one friend i guess from way back when.
Jayne and i were both my kids and i remember one day in about 1967 playing outside and a girl asking if we could be friends, we thought that was a good idea and she came round mine to play. About an hour or so later mum answered a knock on the door and found a young girl asking if she had seen a little girl small with dark hair called Jayne, Oh yes she is playing in the back with my daughter. That started a friend ship between me and Jayne and our parents which would last their lifetimes and ours.
Jayne it turned out was an only child like me, my parents were older and hers were on the other end her mum only 18 when Jayne was born. For the next two years we would play together, argue a lot! only children are not great at sharing or compromising, when Jayne's parents went out she would come sleep in my room and on my parents nights out i would be at hers. We always found it so difficult to settle down to sleep when we were together the novelty was too much to deal with, lots of chatting and laughing and giggling. Only problem with that was Jayne suffered badly with asthma, and any raucous behaviour would be quashed by one of the adults coming into the room and chastising us, Jayne may take a pill to help her breathing i don't remember seeing her use a pump in those days.

Jayne and I my 6th Birthday 1968

The days were idyllic and i remember them fondly that's where i learnt to ride a bike and went to ballet classes. Jayne and i and some other friends would go to the cinema every Saturday to watch film foundation movies at the ABC cinema and mighty mouse! in the interval kids would be invited up on stage if it was their birthday, i never got  called. one of the parents would take us at age 6 and then leave us and be there at the end to collect, the cinema was packed with kids on their own who didn't seem to misbehave or cause trouble. But it seems my ultimate joy was the discovery of the toilets and apparently came out exclaiming that there were loads of them not just one.
In 1969 it was time to move on Jayne's dad got a security job in Plymouth where he came from originally and dad got a job in Gt Yarmouth, we couldn't have moved further apart. Jayne and i would write to each other and in the summer our annual holiday was always to Woolacombe in North Devon so part of the holiday would always be spent going down to visit Jayne and family. They in turn would head our way for Christmas until Jayne and i became older and started to drift. I didn't want to go on holiday with my parents and so i saw less and less of her.

Early Teens Gt Yarmouth

In 1983 i decided to go and visit and spent a week down with Jayne, we were already starting to move along different paths, Jayne a more cheeky adventurous character who had been expelled from school for her behaviour. She persuaded me to hitch back to London after the visit with her which we did, luckily within a day and managed to get the last ride home from Chiswick all the way around the south circular to the bottom of my road.
After that we drifted again, Jayne off living in communes and then marrying and having two girls. That marriage didn't last and she was left alone with them. I did visit at some point when they were young and that was the last time i saw her dad Uncle Peter he was diagnosed with bowel cancer and died. Jayne and her mum had their issues and Jayne became overweight and had her struggles. I in the meantime continued to work in London and we lost contact again. I would hear about her through my mum who was in contact with hers.
I would send a card at Christmas each year and through that and the introduction of the mobile phone we contacted again. Jayne came up to stay and met the three boys, she had another man in tow Andrew who quite frankly i could not like at all, very odd..Jayne too different to me but we still got on as always mellowed by age.
We remain in contact now via Facebook Jayne married Andrew i guess it isn't easy being alone, she has started to get some orders for her art which she was always fantastic at. Her girls are grown one with a little boy, she is a grandma already and only 7 months younger than me!
We couldn't be more different i am twice the size of her in fact you wouldn't think we were the same age, but it is still comfortable, we don't know the ins and outs of each others lives, we don't spend hours on the phone or see each other a lot, but we have a shared history and it goes back further than anyone else we know, we know how it feels to be the only one and we have both had our struggle sin life, Jayne i think a lot more than me though.
It would be good to think that Joe will have this and the other boys, Ollie is at Camberwell arts college he painted a fantastic profile of Joe for his portfolio and then gave it to Joe for his birthday it hangs in his room.

Joe's girlfriend Jade and Ollie

Joe is 20 now and it just doesn't feel like 20 years since he was born, he had his first driving lesson on Wednesday and did very well, i am hoping that it means he will pass very quickly and i won't have so much to pay.
Wednesday the 8th was a lovely day of remembering and sharing his delight at the presents that his friends bought him, mine didn't go down too well a kindle, well he shouldn't have in passing one day said that he wished he could read, he thinks he won't but i think if there is any hope that he will technology will pave the way.
He then went to the cinema with his friends, no more down the harvester with the family which is the usual birthday tradition. He is all grown up a man i have lost a teenager.
The following day i found out that Lisa who's blog i had been following and who only two weeks ago i had been sharing messages on Facebook with about her experience as it mirrored mine, had died on the evening of the 8th. I had not known her long but it made such an impact, i shed some tears and i think it brings home the stark reality of your situation, i didn't sleep much last night thinking of Lisa and how her family must be feeling, and wondering when my world will start to change.
She told me to make the most if the time left,
''you can focus on enjoying life, go for walks in green places to soak up nature and the beauty of it. It's your life, a finite time and you should spend it how you want to and who you care about.''
This is what i am aiming towards and thank you Lisa for polarising it for me and setting me on the path, i have an appointment with the OH on the 24th Feb the day after my first Chemo they were going to change it but it think it will be the best thing to do, see them whilst i feel rough.
I called my pensions department today and a lovely lady gave me all the information i needed about retirement on medical grounds, i certainly hope i get my hands on it before the Government play with it, and then have a miraculous cure wouldn't that be great!! :)
So i have started the wheels in motion to make the most of the time i have left, odd feeling to think i will not be working, since 18 i have always had a job even through the recession i have managed to hang on to one when others around me have fallen. ...but whilst i am 'well' and 'healthy' i need to spend the time at home with the boys and planning wonderful adventures whilst i can!