R day and P day.

Well Monday has come and gone, much like any other day except for the first time since 15 i don't have a job.
I had been pondering taking it for a while and the seal was set when i exchanged messages with Lisa Almond who i had just got to know through facebook. She told me to go for it and to make the most of the time that i had, to appreciate the beauty of things around me and spend time with my boys......two weeks later she succumbed to cancer. There are on occasion moments in life that are startling and open your eyes, that was one of them.
So have i made the most of my now endless time to myself days, actually no.. not yet got into a habit of going back to bed after the boys go to school and then sleeping till midday...oops. Not much of making the most there really.
Everyday i tell myself i will keep up in the morning and go for an early morning walk......but no the draw of that sumptuously cosy bed always draws me in, it doesn't seem to do the same at night time as i will quite happily sit up until the small hours.
Mmmmm? maybe tomorrow though with the weather forecast i think it is a big ask.
I need to be more organised, i am not and never have been, everything is on the spur of the moment, i will determine how things will go pretty much minute by minute.
I am also having Avastin and capecitabine at the moment which doesn't help. The capecitabine is making my hands and feet turn dark pink all around the toes and on the palms of the hands, tomorrow i will take a pic so that you can see what those particularly look like, they are also quite dry and the skin on my thumb is bit by bit peeling off....lovely!
I have had it before and had similar symptoms but the dose was upped this time and they have become worse.
At the weekend i attended the Patient Day for beating bowel cancer with my cousin Suzanne. In the morning Lord Darsi gave a lecture about what innovations are coming along with colorectal suregery it was hugely interesting and pitched at a level that we could understand.
Then a break and a chance to catch up with people i knew and get to know others that i had come across on the beating bowel cancer forum and twitter and facebook. Rachel came up and introduced herself and it was only when she said it was banana giraffes that i knew who it was!
The lunch was good but not as impressive as last year, then after lunch i went to a presentation by Tom Treasure a thoracic surgeon on Lung Metasteses. I found that i little more difficult to grasp but most of it i understood, he was lovely but did talk about difficult subjects. I asked a question about my own situation and it laboured a bit so i was a bit concerned that i had taken over a bit. Suz said i hadn't and later i bumped into Mr Treasure in the hall and he took time to discuss my situation and why the various descions about my care might have been made.
I also spoke to the lady who also spoke in his presentation who had been given RFA on lung and Liver from the off and although had a difficult time with it was at the moment cancer free. Later i spoke to her about my lung mets and she commented that because of where they are sited at the edge of the lung they weren't in a place that RFA would work. Disappointing but made me understand more about my situation and why things have gone the way that they have.
In the afternoon a twitter meeting where we all worked out who each other were and since have followed those we weren't following already.
The final part of the day was a presentation to 4 people who had been partiularly supportive of the charity. On the Wed evening previously as i was driving to Zak's parents evening i recieved a call from Mark the cheif exec saying that they intended giving me an award.....so this was the point at which my name would be called. I didn't tell Suz my cousin thought i would leave it as a surprise, i was second to be called up and had my pic taken with a certificate and was given a gold bum badge and flowers which as i type smell glorious in my lounge, mental note to continue buying lilies after they have died, the smell is so much better than air freshener or the dogs!!
After the day ended a group of us trudged through the pouring rain to the pub, there were little rivers everywhere!! It was a good evening and Suz and i made various attempts to leave but in the end were the last to leave with Alison except for Russel and Dafydd who were there for the duration!
Unfortunately my certificate suffered rain damage on the way home even in it's frame and it is soggy and damaged around the top right hand corner, but never mind it was still a proud moment to get it. Again i will pop a pic in sometime, i am on the work laptop at the moment.... that work haven't asked to have back!! so i am restricted in what i can do with it. Kind of hoping that they will forget about it in time as it is very useful!