Blagging it!

Well interesting day today. A couple of weeks ago i had my scan, about a couple of months ago i saw the doc and he said come back in November and i got the appointment through but as usual i lost it never recorded it and had a vague idea of when it was.
Over the last month or so my pelvic tumour was making itself known again with some bleeding certainly whilst on the chemo this had stopped and i was also having some period like pains here and there....nothing i couldn't manage.
So i had my scan and with the symptoms on my mind may have subconsciously decided to go on the wrong day, i have turned up at the wrong time, i have forgotten appointments completely {this was the point where the nurses worried that i was late for their appointment tried to contact me and Joe received a very stern call from the receptionist telling him that he must get me to call asap, when i finally turned up the chemo nurses told me that if i hadn't called back they were about to send the police out to track me down to make sure i was ok!} but i have never before turned up on the wrong day!.
When i arrived at the clinic i found that i should have been there on the 22nd but i asked if i could be seen today and the registrar Mr Smith who i have seen a number of times now and who knows my case, kindly agreed to see me at the end of the clinic at 5pm so i went shopping in the meantime.
I returned and he met with me and explained as i had thought that the tumours were a bit bigger, the biggest on my lungs is now 9mm which is still small in the scheme of things. There are signs of rectal thickening and certainly my bowels haven't been the best they could be.
I asked if my op could be reconsidered, the story to this succinctly being that this time last year i was having radiotherapy with a view to having a major op to remove the pelvic mets.
Unfortunately Guys and Lewisham weren't communicating too well and the surgeon at Guys was all for doing the surgery and getting rid of the cancer. My onco when he found my name on the radio list changed the dosage and in January told me that he didn't think i should have the op as my lungs were more of a worry.
So here i am with the pelvic mets causing more of a problem. The surgery is being considered by Mr Smith, however i know that the MDT may decide against it.
It is called a pelvic excenteration and involves removing everything that i can do without from the pelvic cavity.....but i am up for that, if it means more time with my boys then bring it on! As i said to Mr Smith i am strong and able to deal with the op.... i have done it before i can do it again. I may have to have a bag, i may not, i shall face these things when i have to if i get the opportunity.
It was interesting that Mr Smith did a little calculation without really thinking i think about me being there and it is fine, but he seemed to calculate 12 months before the lungs start affecting me and so was looking at this as a reason for the op to improve quality of life until then, then he made another suggestion that pelvic tumours can be difficult and painful..i am sure they are which is why i wanted the bugger gone in the first place!
As a doc he is very good a quiet plain young man who initially i felt was wishy washy and was reluctant to see him when Ben the quintessentially handsome tall medic was available too and was charming and had great social skills......but he left and Mr Smith stayed and i found that he was supportive, sweet, knowledgeable and slightly shy i guess.
Anyway we shall see what transpires he will see the team next week and call me i will still keep the appointment i have on the 22nd. I am glad that i got this sorted now and didn't have to wait another 2 weeks knowing that something is up.
I spoke to Joe this evening about it and he asked when i would tell his brothers, I am feeling that the time is coming to be honest with them so that they do have a reasonable time to adjust to the news that i am not going to get cured of this. There never seems a good time to tell them, Adam is doing A levels Zak is in year 8 my aim has always been to see him to 18 at least, that benchmark of him turning into an adult ......still possible in my head but i also need to be realistic too in terms of getting things sorted and at the right time. I wonder whether i should tell them before Christmas in case it is my last or after Christmas so that they can enjoy it without my illness in the background, Zak turns 13 on the 22nd Nov too so leave a window of opportunity leading up to Christmas is that fair? I think after Christmas during half term....oh i don't know but i am sure i will work out when.
We also discussed chemo options whether to have it before the op which might then render me to weak to deal with it but may reduce the tumour or soon whilst i am feeling well after having the chemo....i also have an option to have a bit more radio too....i shall leave it to the MDT.
In this situation i feel like i would like to be there when the MDT discuss my situation but i guess better without and Mr Smith knows my feelings on the matter that i would like to have the op.....like being the operative word!
After i left around 6pm i headed to the car park and just as i was about to pay the parking noticed a lot of people milling around, more than usual and suddenly clicked that this was the night of the meeting around the proposed closure of Lewisham's A&E services. The govt commissioned a report into how they could deal with the financial crisis at other hospitals in Greenwich Bexley ad Bromley his solution is to divert all A&E needs for he area to Woolwich, which would take at least half hour in an ambulance with blues and twos, and anyone who wanted to visit you there would have to trek miles and well the whole thing is idiotic but he will make his representation to Jeremy Hunt in February if we can't convince him to change his recommendations.
So i ended up marching half a mile up the road to the calabash centre as the room booked at the hospital couldn't hold the amount of people who had turned up!
The meeting was militant and emotive with speakers from the health service in the first half and then they swopped so that we then got the mayor of lewisham and Heidi Alexander one of the local MP'S there were about 5 other people that i knew there and hopefully we will do some information awareness in the local area.